life’s getting stressed

May 17, 2007 at 4:56 am (Emo)

Sometimes I really feel that poly life isn’t that suitable for me. My grades aren’t good at all. I’ve no talent in anything, so lazy and always slacking. It’s really tiring too. 無心向學. AHHH. ):
Life isn’t always smooth sailng. Rawr.
AIYAH.
Crap and blahs.
HAIS.
Unhappiness and everything.
On the other hand, I like my wcom class. They’re quite fun and all. 😀
Other classes are alright lohs.
Hate studying.
Hopefully everything will come back to me soon lor.
I want to get a printer.

I miss the times we used to share but no longer do.

DATE/TIME CHECK: 17 MAY 2007 (happy 10 months deardear)/0441
I don’t know when I typed the previous things out but it doesn’t matter anymore.
Thought and remembered this blog. Came back, wanting to blog, because I know, by putting my thoughts here, it’ll most probably not be read by others, except the occasional Shu Xian and Wei Qian, who both clicked on the wrong link. The thing is, why do I still blog here? Why don’t I just password this entry and so it’ll be ignored, forever? Because even I don’t remember the ridiculous passwords I myself set. Perhaps there’s this minor part of me who’s screaming for understanding. It feels really great to be understood, to have someone who’s there, who understands and will not abandon me. I read the comments left and I can get quite emotional, because I’m touched by the friends I have. I’m a lucky girl. Well, maybe not that lucky but at least I have true friends. It’s as though I’m not alone, and am never alone. However, I myself am very clear, what I’m heading towards. Life isn’t always smooth sailing. It’s normal to get that kind of feeling but, I don’t know, it seems to be happening quite often too, even though now I’m in the same class as Wei Qian and Siew Fong. I realised I didn’t really know my friends, so was quite surprised when I did very well for Siew’s lil test in her blog. Friends are for life, it’s time to really get to know them. Everything. The good and the bad.
Previously there was this period of time I had a temporary break with my boyfriend (like, duh, who else right). The thoughts that are running through my mind. Everything. Yet sometimes it’s hard to find someone to share, without the feeling of being a burden to the person. Then I had a couple of friends I’m very close to. The downside is, they’re all guys. And being an attached female, this is a sensitive issue. Boyfriend wouldn’t like it. I restrain myself from being too close. But we’re still close. In terms of thoughts, communication, and everything. I feel like I’ve no freedom having a boyfriend. But I don’t want to lose him either. It’s like, emotional paradox, want and don’t want him around that kinda feeling. I was really confused. Even though things worked out fine eventually, there are boundaries around me now, everywhere, everything and everyone around me. I don’t like this feeling. Relationships are such a sad thing sometimes. But there’s no such thing as perfect relationship. I wouldn’t believe in it either.
I feel like I’ve changed a lot, especially during the time when I entered polytechnic life. I’m tired of change, should I continue changing just for boyfriend? I don’t know, I don’t really want to. Why can’t a guy just accept a girl who usually is closer to guys? Why are human so selfish? I say, because I know I won’t be able to accept my boyfriend being so close to another girl too, unless I’m very sure they’ve nothing going on. I don’t know, can’t be determined till it happens, but I hope I’m the one who has faith and trust in the other party, I don’t like the feeling of being mistrusted so I will trust him. Till the end? I hope. Saying it so confidently now can’t really show, because, afterall, nothing happened yet right.

Wei Qian and Shu Xian, I appreciate you girls a lot. Thanks.

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4 Comments

  1. shirle said,

    well, actually i started reading for qte awhile too. =D man, i feel like a stalker. haha;D

  2. WeiQian said,

    yea! i know u love me. I love u too!

  3. evonnn said,

    don’t be offended but it’s really important to have discipline in poly and even jcs like mine. sometimes i have to be alone without friends to do my work. i guess it’s what you have to sacrifice to do well. some play time. but remember that all work and no play makes jack a dull boy. so study hard play hard. do what you ought to do.

    laziness is enjoyment for the moment, hardwork gives you enjoyment for the future. like what my school counsellor aka teacher aka vice principal now always say, what you do in your next few ‘n’ months will determine what you will be in the next ‘n’ years. substitute the n with any number. so, remember to jiayou ok. 🙂

  4. slashmylove said,

    eh, evonne, like no link leh what you said.

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