there are things that others shouldn’t know

February 8, 2007 at 12:48 am (Emo)

Things doesn’t seem to be improving. My dad seems to be as irresponsible as ever, he doesn’t seem to care much about us either. I was sick, but so what. Other than calling me a lot of times (okay, that’s a display of concern I know) and rushing home to see how I was (that’s under my mum’s ‘orders’ lol), when I wanted to see a doctor he didn’t even offer to drive me and my mum there, much less offer to pay.

Money is the root of all evil, no?

I don’t know. My father’s problems all seem to relate to money. Or his lack thereof, I declare. His irresponsibility adds on. His family? I can only say, I’m glad is HIS family. I certainly don’t really see them as MY family. My mum’s side, definitely. Okay, maybe that’s being unfair, some of his family members are nice too. However, all of them just 见死不救, perhaps only when we all starve to death will they realise that something is wrong and maybe still protect their brother. Little brother, nonetheless. My mum’s the youngest too, she had never faced such 委屈 in her life till she married my dad. It’s all meant to be a tragedy. Can you believe it? Married for more than 18 years, that’s fucking long, and he had NEVER given any allowance to my mum. Until recently, when he needed her help. To buy a car under her name because his name is too tarnished, with the bad debts and all. What the fuck. And now what he did was to delay the payment and my mum has to pay for him because it’s under her name. Asshole. This shouldn’t be the way a daughter sees her father, unfortunately, it is, for me. I’ve never really regarded him as my father since I understood what he did. At a point of time, I suspect he even had an affair with some married woman.
What I don’t understand was, how could a person be so irresponsible and feel nothing? No emotions at all? After all, it was love at first that brought them together, no? Even though they might not have love anymore, I can see my mum standing tall and struggling to keep us alive by working part time. She’s the one paying the bills, she’s the one bringing home food, she’s the one we see when we reach home, she’s the one who has done so much for us, because she’s our mother. I’m starting to tear, that’s a bad sign, I suppose.
Things were well, till my father got addicted to gambling. AND THE FUCKING CREDIT CARDS. There was this period of time whereby a lot of people were owing the credit card companies loads of money? Congrats, my father was one of them. We had to move, downgrade to a four-room flat in order to pay his debts. Managed to make a neat profit AND GUESS WHAT. He took ALL the money AND GAMBLED IT AWAY. Leaving us with nothing. Literally. My mum, out of anger, cancelled their joint account. It was the right thing to do. There wasn’t much trust in them anymore, nothing to trust. My father is a man of words, and no actions. Typical 纸上谈兵 that kind of people.
I knew things were getting from bad to worse, when he had no money and I even had to pay my school fees myself. In secondary school. So glad that my school fees are paid through his CPF now, else I’m dead meat. I really really pity my mum. If it wasn’t for the fact that she only has a family member here, and she doesn’t have much savings, she would have divorced him, or maybe it’s for our future, to complete our education, at least, in Singapore.
My mother is a great figure. I love her. (:
Her birthday’s coming, I hope I’ll be able to get her something decent.
I’ve too much rantings. It can never be finished in a post. Plus, I’m tired. And facing emotional drain. Continue next time. Till then, take care.

OH BTW, I think that’s why my mum is kind of against me having a boyfriend at this age. HAIS. ):


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